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My latest column for the Malaysian Star appeared today. This one is about words associated with hazing, especially the kind of hazing that sends newbies to go look for things that don’t exist: type lice, italic spaces, a left-handed monkey wrench, a left-handed hammer, buckets of steam, bags of electricity, wheelbarrow seed, and fifty feet of shoreline.
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I used to work in a factory and we used to send the new guys to the supply hut for a “long wait”. They would go, request what they thought they we said (”long weight”) and they were told to sit over there until we call for you.
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1:33PM
Nov-28-07
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EmmettRedd
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Grant,
I have to disagree with one of your “impossible” items. I have seen left-handed coffee cups. They have the graphic emblazoned on the other side.
And, I would like to add radiator hoses for old VW Beetles and Corvairs to your list of impossible items.
What is sometimes even more fun is to ask for something that sounds impossible but actually exists; go into a hardware store and ask for left-handed drill bits. They are a speciality item and their more proper name is reverse-twist drills. They are made for multi-drill heads on machining equipment and reduce the number of gears needed in the head. They also balance the torque in the work piece. In the next-to-last place I asked for some, the clerk was on-the-ball and replied that I must be trying to extract a broken bolt. I was and they really work better than E-Z-outs, which also have a left-handed twist.
Emmett
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And, of course, italic spaces now exist. Here’s one: .
I read recently that “sniper” (and the back-formed verb “to snipe” derived from the snipe hunt. It’s certainly changed the images “snipe hunt” brings to mind.
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EmmettRedd said:
I have to disagree with one of your “impossible” items. I have seen left-handed coffee cups. They have the graphic emblazoned on the other side.
Well, yes, but the graphic doesn’t prevent an other-hander from drinking from the cup, does it? I’ve seen right-handed musicians try to play left-handed guitars and it just doesn’t work very well unless they learned it that way from the start (and there was one fellow who did).
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11:08AM
Nov-29-07
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dhenderson
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An old aviation version of this is “a bucket of propwash.”
Dan
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A reader forwarded this poem by Seamus Heaney that pertains.
The Errand
“On you go now! Run, son, like the devil
And tell your mother to try
To find me a bubble for the spirit level
And a new knot for this tie.”
But still he was glad, I know, when I stood my ground,
Putting it up to him
With a smile that trumped his smile and his fool’s errand,
Waiting for the next move in the game.
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8:46PM
Jan-20-08
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Paradox
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Having done quite a bit of work with Boy Scouts, I’ve run into more than my share of these and created a few new ones myself.
A common one for us is to send a scout for a cup of propane.
My best original was the latrine plunger.
But, far and away, the wildest one was created by a young staffer at a camp we attended. He sent a group of 11-year-olds to ask the pool director (who was, of course a woman) for 50 feet of fallopian tubing!
BTW: speaking of latrines, the camp that we regularly attends uses the term “Kybo” rather than “outhouse” or any of the myriad euphemisms available. They claim that it is unique to that camp and (according to camp lore) derived from the expression “Keep Your Bowels Open” which I suspect is actually a backronym.
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2:26PM
Feb-20-08
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hedbanger
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…ringo reaches into his pocket and pulls out a black floppy object. “i’ve got a hole in me pocket!”
and it came in handy.
from Yellow Submarine
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12:03PM
Feb-23-08
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martha
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50 feet of fallopian tubing! Going to have to remember that.
My dad used to say “Keep Your Bowels Open, and Your Mouth Shut.” Well, not to me specifically, but he claimed this was military jargon he’d heard from soldiers returning from one of the World Wars — a reference to an oft-heard order.
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10:46AM
Jun-27-08
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sixtyforty
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When I did stream rehabilitation out in the woods, we’d send the new folk back up to the truck (usually a long hike) for a log stretcher! Of course, we told them that the log we wanted to use for this little dam wasn’t long enough….
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One that has not been mentioned is: sky hook.
However, science/engineering may supply one for us soon: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/sciencenow/3401/02.html or search for “space elevator”.
Emmett
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2:33PM
Jul-28-08
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jrussell
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Interesting thread. I put myself through college in a large printing factory. The new employees and part-timers where often sent for paper stretchers when the web (paper threaded through the press) broke. The poor guy would be sent from press to press looking for the fictional device.
Also striped or polka dot ink where common spoofs. Lastly pink or blue dots, the small metal waste dots punched out of the printing press plate to align them on the press.
Since I was a part-timer and was moved around on different shifts and different presses, and I had older brothers that had worked there as well, I knew the tricks. So… when they sent me on the goose chase I took advantage and spent time visiting friends around the plant. In most cases the head pressman knew that I knew but was returning the gag on the guy who sent me on the goose chase, since he would have to do my job and his while I was gone.
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9:52PM
Jul-28-08
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martha
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| posts 447 |
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So… when they sent me on the goose chase I took advantage and spent time visiting friends around the plant. In most cases the head pressman knew that I knew but was returning the gag on the guy who sent me on the goose chase, since he would have to do my job and his while I was gone.
LOL! On behalf of every one of us who’s ever been on a snipe hunt, jrussell, I salute you!
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