Foafiness

Hello, you have A Way with Words.

This is Erin Lizotte. I’m calling from Michigan.

Hi, Erin. Welcome to the show. Where in Michigan are you?

I’m actually driving through the Upper Peninsula right now, just across the Mackinac Bridge.

What can we help you with?

I’ve noticed a new phenomenon in my life where I meet acquaintances or family members of people I’m Facebook friends with, and I have this kind of false sense of familiarity, which sometimes they kind of look at you like, who is this person who knows all these things about me? And so I was kind of trying to come up with a word or a phrase that could help describe that feeling or situation.

So these are family members or friends of your Facebook friends?

Exactly. Usually it’s their husband or children, somebody that they post a lot of information and pictures of.

So what do they say when this happens? Do they feel a little creeped out?

Well, I don’t know if creeped out is the right word, but, of course, they have no idea who I am. Maybe they’ve never seen me before. And often it’s an acquaintance or an old friend from high school. And so you start talking to them about something or maybe say, oh, I saw your birthday party at a princess party. And they’re like, who is this person who knows so much about me? And does that happen to you, too?

Occasionally, yeah. I have a two-year-old son, and people definitely know a lot about him. And even, you know, I think we post a lot of information there and maybe not even intentionally sharing those details, but they pick up on them.

Oh, man. So he’s going to grow up and start dating somebody and the person already knows all about him.

Erin, it could be worse than that.

Yes, he’s growing up under the glare of a spotlight.

Erin, it could be worse. You could be the co-host of a national radio show with the son you talk about on the air.

I swear, I go to towns all around the country and people are like, and how’s Guthrie?

Exactly. Is kindergarten working out for him?

I’m like, how do you know his name? He’s still into puppets.

Yeah, how did you know he started?

What? Whatever. I love my son, so I don’t mind the world knowing how awesome he is. But, yeah, it’s weird, right?

Right. So you want a word for this, Aaron.

I do have a word.

You do?

I do have a word. Yeah, you know, in the early days of social media, they called some of this FOAF, friend of a friend. They were talking about the value of the personal network. And it’s FOAF. And so this is FOAFiness. F-O-A-F-I-N-E-S-S. Fofiness. It’s this feeling that you get around the friend of a friend that somehow you’re familiar with them, but really you’ve only been seeing their posts on Facebook.

I like that because it’s sort of fofy. It’s like fofiness. It’s a little bit strange.

It sounds fuzzy around the edges, right? A little queasy.

I don’t know. What do you think about that, Erin?

Familiar but queasy.

Yes. A friend of a friend. I think it’s like almost there, almost describing the situation, but because it’s so one-sided that that other person really isn’t even aware of my existence, but I know so much about them, it kind of gives a different feel to it. And I’m not sure. I was trying to get at that more false sense of familiarity.

I have a word for you. I just came up with it.

Okay.

Faux finesse. It’s like you’re finessing the relationship, but it’s faux.

Maybe, maybe. Like faux finesse, faux finesse.

Oh, okay. Maybe. I like that. I like that.

How much is, like, self-creeping?

I don’t know. It’s just like there’s something.

Self-creeping. I get a little weirded out by what I know about people. Like, you know, it’s particularly bad when I was living in Silicon Valley and there’d be all these people who I’m Facebook friends with just professionally and I’d go to these parties. I’m like, oh, you just had a big Series B and I know how much money you’re worth. You know?

Right. Oh, I just saw that you bought a gigantic house in Mountain View. I know exactly how much you paid. It’s, like, really kind of creepy.

You know, the other thing, too, is that I’ve become better friends with some of my Facebook friends’ friends. You know, I see them posting, and then I think their posts are brilliant, and so I start talking to them, and it sort of goes viral. Do you have that experience?

I definitely have. You know, you become more interested in these people’s lives than maybe you were just passing. And all of a sudden, you just become a part of their daily routine and daily life. It’s pretty interesting.

Yeah. Well, maybe we can throw this out to all our friends on Facebook and on the air and see if they use a word for this.

Yeah. Do you already have a term for that weirdness about knowing a lot about somebody’s life, knowing about the life of a stranger just because they’re friends with a friend with a friend?

We do need a word for this. 877-929-9673 or email us words@waywordradio.org.

Erin, thank you so much for your call.

Thank you. I’m a big fan.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Take care.

Bye.