A San Diego woman is bothered by the convention of addressing envelopes to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. Shouldn’t we also include the woman’s first name?

For her, it’s more than just a theoretical question: she spends a lot of time sending thank-you letters for nonprofit fundraising. So she’s wondering, what’s the best way to address them so as not to offend potential donors? Her question provokes a lively exchange about grammar, etiquette, and feminism.

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