What is a Sandwich?

Hi, welcome to A Way with Words.

Hi, my name is Sarah from Dallas.

Hi, Sarah.

Welcome to the show. What’s up?

I was calling to give you kind of an update because I was on the show a few years ago with the question about preheat, and then I have a new question for you.

Okay, shoot.

My boyfriend and I at the time were having the discussion about preheat. He’s the one from Russia, and you had asked for an update. So just so you know, he still disagrees, and he thinks that it should be two separate words, but he thinks English is weird.

So his argument is that pre and heat should be two separate words?

Yes.

He was the one that felt like there’s no point in saying the word preheat. You should just say heat in a recipe.

Gotcha.

But I have a new dilemma for you, and I’m hoping that you can resolve it. It’s another argument between my now husband and I over the word sandwich. Basically, what defines a sandwich? Because we have a running joke that he’ll tell me, “Woman, go make me a sandwich.” And I say, “No, I’m a modern-day woman. Go make your own sandwich.” And it’s just a joke.

Good for you.

But what that means is, though, I haven’t made him, I’ve made him maybe five actual sandwiches in three years. But that doesn’t mean I don’t make him things with sandwich ingredients. I just don’t put them together. And so I’ll do bread with, you know, mustard and vegetables and all the normal stuff, but I leave it open-faced. And I don’t call it a sandwich, but he insists it is a sandwich, and his reasoning actually goes to Russian because he’s Russian. In Russian, the word for sandwich, one of them is butter bread, but it’s basically butter bread. And so anything that is bread that is spread with something could qualify as a sandwich.

You’re avoiding open-faced sandwich then.

Yes, absolutely. I’ve even gone so far as to call it a trencher, a modern-day trencher version. That only works with stuff that’s not messy because I can’t put it on a plate and call it a trencher. So a trencher is a piece of bread where you’ve kind of pulled some of the bread out of the middle and lined it with ingredients, right? Like a small loaf or a long roll.

Right, like from medieval times where we used to use them as plates.

Right. That only works if I can hand it to them on a napkin. Otherwise, that logic doesn’t fly.

Okay.

So part of what’s happening here is that you’re avoiding admitting that you made a sandwich because you don’t want to give in to the joke, which is a joke about woman make me a sandwich. And yet we all know, even though it’s a joke, there’s a lot of cultural baggage with that joke, right?

Right.

And so if you admit that you made him a sandwich, then you’re giving in to the stereotype that that’s a woman’s work.

Yes, but if I’m wrong and I have to admit it, then I will. But then he will have to start making me more sandwiches.

Which he should do anyway.

He should be making you sandwiches. He makes other things.

So, Sarah, is it your argument that it takes two to sandwich, like two slices of bread?

Yes. My argument is you have to have two things on the ends that match, that are around a thing in the middle. So they sandwich the thing in the middle for it to be a sandwich, in my mind.

And what if you have a roll that’s partially sliced and you stick the ingredients in there? Is that still a sandwich?

I think it is, or it could be like a sub. Like you could call it a sub sandwich.

But what about if the breading goes all the way around like a samosa or empanada?

Well, I don’t think that that, I wouldn’t count that as a sandwich. Like a, I want to say stromboli, but that’s not right. But I wouldn’t count that as a sandwich. I’d count that as a samosa.

I got to tell you, when it comes to what is a sandwich, I have the same feeling about this as I do about religion, which each one of us, we find our own path to spiritual guidance.

Well, there’s one definition of sandwich that I really liked, and it’s very broad and it’s got a lot of loopholes, but I still like it. It’s a kind of protein-heavy food layered with a carbohydrate-heavy food that you can eat with your hands. So it’s got the carb component and the protein component.

Then it would include a hot dog. It would include your hamburgers. It would include things where you use cheese but no meat. It would include breaded things as well as things made with bread.

What about cucumber sandwiches?

You could argue that would also include dumplings, and that’s not a sandwich.

It could, but it’ll also include sandwiches made with donuts on each end and eggs in the middle, stuff like that.

But it has to have protein in the middle?

Typically, a sandwich is a mix of carbs and protein and vegetable matter, but the vegetable is often tertiary.

Well, for some of us, but I’ve had tomato sandwiches and cucumber sandwiches.

Right, but do you put hummus on there or mayonnaise or eggs or anything? Cheese?

Nope.

Nope?

Mustard, maybe.

Mustard, maybe. Maybe oil and vinegar.

So like I said, a lot of loopholes. I got to tell you, so you’re never going to resolve this. The world at large, how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

I don’t know. It’s unresolvable.

I will say this, that I love deconstructed sandwiches. Frequently, I will make sandwiches for my wife and myself, and my son doesn’t want a sandwich, but I will give him exactly the same ingredients and put them separately on the plate, and he’s totally fine with that. So part of a sandwich is a mental place that you are. It’s where you are in your head. A sandwich is a journey that you must take.

So I think that we’re going to just have to resolve it the way we resolve all non-resolvable arguments, which is with Nerf guns.

Oh.

And I think that’s just the way we’re going to have to go.

Nice.

Nerf guns.

Oh, yes. That is the relationship resolver right there. You can’t be mad at someone when you’re shooting them with a foam dart.

Okay.

Really.

Hey, if that works for you, I think Grant’s right. I think it’s like religion.

Well, I like it, and I think that we can both be right at the same time and still argue about it for the rest of our lives. So I appreciate it.

There you go.

It’s a proxy for the other things that are harder to handle.

Yeah, so Nerf guns and pillow fights. I think you got it all figured out. Hey, Sarah, call us again sometime.

I will. I love you guys. Thank you so much. I’m going to try and find the next thing we’re going to argue about. I’ll come to the experts.

Okay, best to your husband.

Take care now.

Congratulations on getting married.

Oh, thank you.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

877-929-9673.

Email words@waywordradio.org.