The Meaning of Ending Messages with Ellipses

Hi there. You have A Way with Words.

Oh, yeah. Hi. This is so exciting and surreal.

My name is Toshi. I’m currently in Dallas, but I lived in New York for like ever, one of those globe hoppers.

I’m 27. And so I was like pretty much raised on the Internet.

And, you know, I’m a millennial, as you could say.

And so a lot of my friends and I, just people in general, notice that not to be ageist or anything, but people of different generations tend to use like an ellipsis or they use like dot, dot, dot, dot, dot at the end of their text messages.

And to us, it seems like they’re upset and they’re being passive aggressive, and it really freaks us out.

And we’re like, what did we do wrong?

Oh, my God.

But to them, you know what I mean?

Like to them, they just put it in every single text message.

So I was wondering, you know, what’s up with that?

The only guess that I had is that maybe it comes from like when people were writing letters and it takes a long time to get back.

You know, you put an ellipsis because there’s that whole to be continued kind of feeling.

But in a text message, it’s instant.

So it just seems like you’re mad at me, and I don’t like that.

So, you know, where did that come from?

And, like, I’ve been scolded for using an ellipsis wrong in school.

But then y’all are going to use it when you’re telling me that it’s someone’s birthday.

So if you could elaborate, that’d be amazing.

All right.

So you’re texting with your friends, and tell me when you would use an ellipsis.

What’s going on when you use an ellipsis, and they take it to mean that you’re upset?

How does that work?

Okay, so if I’m texting my friend and I use an ellipsis, that’s when there’s a little bit of mystery or I’m spilling some tea, as they say, and there’s drama or I am being passive aggressive.

And I’m like, so dot, dot, dot, how are you?

You know, that means I’m a little pissed.

But then when I’m texting my mom, you know, my mom says, hi, dot, dot, dot.

How are you? Dot, dot, dot.

You haven’t called me in a week. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

Then I’m like, oh, my God, she’s so mad at me.

And, you know, I just think some people don’t seem to understand that when they use so many dots, the more dots, the more upset you seem.

So where did people learn that from?

It’s so interesting to me because the dots, the ellipses, is still retaining some of its older use.

The idea of the pregnant pause.

The idea that in this moment when we pause, this is a carryover from print, as you said.

So they are just using it wrong.

Is that what you’re saying?

No, no, no.

I’m saying your generation is still using it one of the old ways, and the other generations are still using it the old ways too.

But it’s just that the ellipsis and the dot, dot, dot, because we’ll talk about that in a second.

But it’s just that the ellipsis has had more than one use.

It’s never been just one.

Sometimes it’s about taking text out.

Sometimes it’s about slowing down the pace of a text.

Sometimes it’s about indicating something has happened in between, but I don’t want to get into it.

Sometimes it’s about a dramatic moment.

Like I thought that, you know, perhaps, you know, when I’m texting with, you know, the older generation and they use that dot, dot, dot, perhaps they mean that there’s a lot going on in between.

That’s what I meant when I said perhaps it comes from the letter writing, and that’s why they use it so much, because it’s like there’s a lot going on around us that you’re missing, and that is represented here, dot, dot, dot.

Whereas I think that my generation tends to only use it as that pregnant pause type of situation.

I can see that.

I definitely can see that.

So you’re saying that it’s like the written equivalent of so when somebody says something really awkward and you just want to change the subject.

You’re just like rolling your eyes a little bit going like so because you don’t really even want to address the awkward thing they just said or did.

And you can just hear the ellipses when somebody talks like that.

But I want to recommend a book to you.

We’ve talked about it on the show before.

This is Gretchen McCulloch’s book, Because Internet.

She has whole big sections about the friction that comes between these different cultures and how they use ellipses versus dot, dot, dot.

And she specifically uses the two different terms for this.

She calls ellipses one thing and dot, dot, dot another because as far as she’s concerned, they are different.

Yeah, they’re different kinds of punctuation.

And another thing that she is careful to say is that it’s not really generational.

It’s about different Internet cultures.

I feel very awkward saying generational.

Yeah.

There are people your age that don’t get it, Toshi, and there are people my age that get it.

So it’s about who you hang out with on the Internet.

It’s more about shared interests and tendencies and your overall communication aptitude in general.

And it’s also about context.

Are you texting or are you on Instagram or Discord?

Is it a dating app or a work-related app?

Is there the other person is typing indicator or not in the app they’re using?

All these things affect how your punctuation is going to be interpreted.

So context matters.

You’re giving me social anxiety just talking about this.

Toshi, another cool point that Gretchen McCulloch makes in that book is that, well, I’m wondering when your mom writes you and says, hi, sweetie, or whatever, dot, dot, dot, and then says some more and then uses dot, dot, dot again, is that all in one text?

It is in one text. And sometimes I’ll find that people will put it in between each sentence. And I’m like, you just sound like the most hesitant person in the world. Either you’re shy or you’re super passive aggressive. Because to me, I think it really does come off as passive aggressive most of the time. And that’s the biggest thing is it’s triggering all of our anxiety.

-huh, -huh.

And I suspect that what you do instead of using ellipses is you just send five different texts with those five different ideas, and they’re not separated by ellipses.

They’re separated because they’re different messages.

Is that the way you do it?

How did you know?

You called me out.

Because I read it in Gretchen McCulloch’s book.

And probably with no terminal punctuation, right?

No period at the end.

Right, right.

Either that or, like, ten exclamation points.

Yeah.

There’s an endless supply of those.

Yeah.

Well, Toshi, this is a fantastic topic that you’ve brought up here.

I know we’re going to get a ton of response here.

I got to say, you seem really plugged in to what’s happening online, and I’d love to hear from you.

I grew up online.

So, yeah, I’ve got endless questions, and I’m sure a bunch of my friends do, too.

So thank you so much for having me on this show.

Yeah, I’m with you.

Send them our way.

As somebody who’s been online 30 years himself, I’m with you, Toshi.

Take care now.

Yeah, thank you so much.

Take care.

Have a good one.

What else can you tell us about communicating on the Internet?

If you’re part of Toshi’s peer group, tell us how you use punctuation.

Tell us how you use words and slang different than the older generations do.

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